Are you married to an unbelieving partner?
I am very blessed that I have always had a believing partner. My husband and I actually came to faith on the same day, back in the late 80’s but I was fully aware of the fact that some of my married female friends at church came every Sunday alone. They would come to things that went on during the day but couldn’t always meet of an evening. Some did. The problem was we rarely met their husbands and sometimes we could even forget that they had them! That sounds terrible but despite being invited to social events and our Pastor, at the time, obviously met with them, these husbands would not be a part of their wives’ spiritual lives.
The Bible is very clear when it says ‘Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers……..?’ (2 Corinthians 6:14). This warning is in the context of blending in or associating with others who don’t know Jesus. They do not therefore have His spirit in them in order to move in faith. This can water down our faith sometimes. Marriage, as we all agree, is hard work and ‘believing couples’ do not agree on many issues just because they are men and women! So, when a believing spouse is speaking on a different level of understanding with God’s ‘upside down’ wisdom (see Isaiah 55:8-9) – how can their unbelieving spouse come along side with full agreement? (see Amos 3:3).
The Bible warns against marrying an unbeliever in the first place but life can be complicated. We fall in love and sometimes God allows us to marry an unbeliever because he knows that they are going to come to faith. This happened to my sister-in law when her husband did exactly that! The Lord will give you his peace about that if you keep in union with His spirit, as you make those decisions. Naturally, you may be in a marriage like ourselves where we were both unbelievers when we met and married. One of us could have found Jesus before the other. This, I think, is what happens most of the time – especially with the wives, as women seem to be more open to God’s spirit as we ‘imagine’ and believe more readily.
In 1 Corinthians 7, St. Paul does address this issue to give help, encouragement and instruction to those in this very situation. I recommend that you read this piece of scripture and pray over it if you are finding your relationship a struggle but I will just hi-light one of the verses to encourage you. It is verse 14. It says [the wife] brings ‘holiness to her marriage and a Christian husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not have a godly influence, but now they are set apart for him!’ It is our holiness that sets us apart.
The Lord is concerned about His spirit flowing into the next generation. As Christians we have a great responsibility to be a light to our family as a whole and our spouses might be converted too because of us. In verse 17, it goes on to say that as husbands and wives ….‘you must accept whatever situation the Lord has put you in and continue on as you were when God first called you.’ (1 Corinthians 7:17) Marriage is a calling and a gift. (verse 7)
Obedience to our vows or promises is more important to God than who we have married. In Malachi 2:15-16 your ‘union’ as husband and wife, believer or unbeliever, is of great significance because it is sacred and there is Godly offspring as a result.
What do you do if you have or had a believing spouse but they are falling away? As we said before, we must continue with our faith believing through prayer and petition that God will indeed bring them back to you spiritually. Live to serve your spouse like the woman in Proverbs 31: 10 – 31. This will speak volumes to them and we must love them as the scriptures command in Ephesians 5:25 – 33 and 1 Corinthians 13: 4 – 7.
We are reminded in Romans 15: 1, 2, 5 & 6 to live in harmony. We are to live to please others. This is so needed in marriage where we forget, through familiarity, to look to each other’s needs. Your spouse may have fallen away through some misunderstanding of their faith when trials or temptations have come along, because their faith may not have been very strong to begin with?
Prayer is a powerful weapon that doesn’t harm but quietly restores and protects us and those we are praying for. ‘And we can be confident that he will listen to us whenever we ask him for anything in line with His will…’ (1 John 5:14) And don’t give up praying for your spouse – make it a daily ritual. (See Luke 18: 6 – 7) Give Him praise and thanksgiving as you do – and your joy will be infectious causing your marriage to be not only restored but fully redeemed.
