Meeting your wife’s needs
It is a true statement that everyone is different, however, when a survey was done with several hundred Christian couples to evaluate a wife’s needs from a priority list of 20, it’s not surprising that most wives selected the same top 5 needs as most important. Rather than focussing on the number one need of unconditional love and acceptance, I will focus on the second most popular. That is the need for emotional intimacy and connection.
Not wanting to raise gender stereotypes, I believe it is true to say that women, and hence wives, are generally the better communicators. So, it is with that in mind, that us husbands need to recognise that we need to fuel our wife’s need for emotional connection - by talking to them frequently. Now I’m not talking about the mundane things of life like chores, work and general living but having deeper conversations that have more of an emotional context. These are the sort of conversations that require us husbands to look into the meaning and emotions behind the words that are expressed by our wives. My wife, for example, loves it when we have one to one time where we are just talking and are not being distracted by tasks, telephones, television, computers or anyone else. This can be done best when enjoying a meal together, walking or just sitting together. This connection is enhanced when we can see each other’s emotions face to face. As a man, I need to allow my wife to express her feelings and I need to be fully tuned into what she is saying and listening with interest. I shouldn’t just to be hearing but listening to what she has said rather than giving her lip-service. It needs to be punctuated with affirming words of support – looking for the meaning behind the words she said rather than responding with mono-syllabic words or facial lethargy. Guys, it is very easy for us to fall back into our ‘nothing-box’ where we aren’t thinking about anything at all – least of all what she needs or articulates. Similarly, my wife loves me to share my feelings and innermost thoughts. This requires me to make myself vulnerable. This might not come naturally to you guys, but if your wife is similar to most then meeting her need to communicate at an emotional level will definitely be a good investment in your relationship.
Spiritual intimacy was found to be the 3rd most popular need of wives in the survey. Regularly praying for and with your wife - particularly if it is audible to her – will do wonders for your intimacy and connection.
I don’t think my wife is unusual in wanting me to take the lead in spiritual matters as it gives her a sense of security. Reading the bible together, or sharing revelation of what we have leaned from our own study of the scriptures can also be affirming and encouraging.
There is also a lot of truth in the scripture in Ecclesiastes 4:12 (KJV) ‘And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; a threefold cord is not quickly broken’. The stronger our relationship with God is, the stronger and closer our relationship with our wives will be. Of course, we may be at different places with our connection with God – and that may be very different during seasons of our lives – but the picture of those strands is that they are interwoven so providing mutual benefit. It has been said that wives that have their emotional and spiritual needs met are more likely to engage in sexual intimacy – which is generally higher up the husband’s lists of needs…….just saying guys!
