Dating Your Spouse
When you get married should you stop having dates? Absolutely not!
It’s so important to allow space for connection when we get married. We have come across many a married couple that unintentionally drift apart as the years pass by. Communication is key in any relationship but essential in marriage. By communication, we are not just talking about the mundane day to day conversations we may have about our jobs, tasks, chores, shopping and looking after the children but deeper exchanges about how we feel about things and in particular our feelings for each other. No doubt, there was excitement when we first got to know our partner, before we got married, but there is a sense in which familiarity breeds contempt. It’s not that we don’t value our spouse as our relationship matures but there is a risk where it becomes all to easy to take our spouse for granted, particularly when we have lived under the same roof for a number of years.
This is why it’s so important to set aside times for ‘Dates’ even when we are married. The most important element of those dates is not necessary the activity we do together on those dates but the sharing of minds, hopes, dreams feelings and aspirations. These are times where we need to allow space for each other to articulate what’s going on in our lives.
This is not really a time for moaning about our jobs and life problems – although these things may be important to share - but more about asking deeper questions and discovering new things about each other. After 39 years of marriage and knowing how we both ‘tick’, we still enjoy finding out things about each other past stories, before we met, and exploring preferences and desires for our present life as well as our future.
We realise that going out on ‘dates’ can be expensive, but it doesn’t have to be.
Our Date night/day strategy is as follows;
1) Take it in turns to pick a date activity.
2) Have space for fun and/or romance.
3) Try to pick a location or activity that allows for deeper conversation – either during the date, on the way, or back from it.
4) Avoid dates that involve other people.
5) Don’t blame each other if a date doesn’t work out sometimes.
6) Dare to be spontaneous and try new things.
7) Explore new places.
In Deuteronomy 24:5 it talks about the instruction to allow a newly married man to make space for the wife he has taken by not going away to war of for business. This is to help the relationship to grow without distractions from outside influences.
We believe we should continue to prioritise our time with each other throughout our marriage and not just for the honeymoon.
We have heard many excuses from couples who say they can’t date anymore because of the children. We would say that for ‘the sake of the children’ it is far more valuable that mum and dad get time together to preserve a harmonious relationship and show their children how ‘to do’ marriage.
