Keeping up appearances
Keeping up appearances is an important aspect of our lives for most of us. We like to look good and especially for our loved ones when we are out dating and even during the early years of our marriage. When we first met, my husband and I had made an effort to impress and attract and this continued throughout our dating days and beyond into our marriage. The way we dress, when married, needs to be as one entity. That is not to say we lose our individual uniqueness but that we dress with respect for one another. I wouldn’t wear something that might make my husband feel that I was trying to attract other men and equally he knows what I like to see him in that tells me he cares.
It is important that we keep on trying to look our best for our spouse. Why wouldn’t we? Some women decide that after they are married they don’t have to bother- they’ve got their man and stop making the effort. If your husband is mutually happy for you to be hap hazard in your appearance - because he doesn’t make much effort either - then that’s absolutely fine. It’s a shame though because I believe, deep down, we all care and our body language, including the clothes we put on it, speaks volumes. Communication is always the key in our relationships. We must never make assumptions.
Now this blog is about how we dress and appear towards our husband or wife and the implications that has on our relationship. Keeping up our standards of cleanliness is another issue and goes without saying. However, some couples - and it’s not always the blokes - fail in this area and that is just not acceptable.
Everything we do for our spouse should always be out of love and appreciation towards them. If we don’t make an effort in how we smell and look, it affects our whole outlook and mindset about the marriage relationship. Attitude affects our behaviour. A slovenly approach to our demeanour and how we carry ourselves speaks volumes. What we are actually saying to our husband or wife is ‘your not worth making an effort for’.
Now the Bible does speak a lot about inner beauty being more important than outward beauty, for example in 1 Peter 3:3-5 it says to us as wives that we should not ‘....be concerned about our outward beauty’. It goes on to say what that outward beauty entails. It speaks of ‘fancy hairstyles, jewellery and clothing….’ I believe we can make too much of our ‘look’ with these fancy things and end up creating a trashy, tarty look.
This isn’t saying we shouldn’t make ourselves look nice and pleasant- someone who our husband’s are proud to take on their arm when we walk out together with them. But, the husband in Proverbs 31 praises his wife for her strength and dignity, in her reverence for God (v.29/30) and, in verse 22 I note that she ‘dresses like royalty in gowns of finest cloth’. In other words, she has made an effort and even ‘Her children stand and bless her….’ (v.28) In 1 Corinthians 7:33 &34 we are ‘expected’ to please our husband and wife respectively. This includes making an effort in our appearance.
I am glad that the Lord looks at my thoughts and intentions and not the way I have dressed on any particular day.(1 Sam 16:7). It is also very precious to Him that, as wives, we have ‘a quiet and gentle spirit..’ (1 Pet 3:4) As I said earlier, our attitude affects our behaviour so if we are reflecting a quiet and gentle attitude, we are more than likely going to be modest and thoughtful in our appearance. I was a teenager during the early Punk era when girls, as well as boys, wanted to reflect and illustrate their rebellious thoughts and ideas through the way they dressed as well as through their actions. The whole ‘look’ was to shock and rebuff society as they saw it. I wasn’t a Christian at the time but I remember thinking how unfeminine and scruffy the girls looked- This is the point I’m making! The Lord is able to see into our hearts and minds but we can’t. Rightly or wrongly, we look at the outward appearance with our finite brains and eyes and we make judgements - this could affect our relationships. So, we have to make allowances for each other (Colossians 3:13). Paul’s letter to the Colossians beautifully reminds us that ultimately we must clothe ourselves with love and patience as well as a gentle and humble spirit (v.12 & 14)
Through our love for our husband or wife, let us consider what they might like to look at when you get up in the morning! Be proactive, make an effort for their sakes and your attitude of love towards your spouse will also please the Lord.
